


Faded Ink

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:11:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7402186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one talked about soulmates, it was practically a taboo society, so when Frank notices marks starting to show up on his skin, he doesn't know what to think. That's when he talks to Gerard for the first time, his troubled soulmate who is bound to him by an unexplainable bond.</p><p>AU where marks on your soulmate’s body show up on your own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Prologue Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are major themes in this story. Please don't read if you think it will trigger you, I wrote this to make people happy. Stay safe.

Frank was ten when the firsts cuts on his wrists showed up. At the time he was too young to know what they meant, no one really talked about soulmates anymore. The concept of soulmates was still known to people but people stopped talking about it because as they became less and less common, people without soulmates got jealous. It used to be that every person had a soulmate and marks on their skin showed up on your own so that you would know if they were hurt in battle -or so historians theorize- but as society progressed that wasn’t as important to survival. By the beginning of the 18th century it was uncommon for people to have a soulmate and that number kept dropping until now when about one in every three hundred people had one, and not all of them even wanted to find them so they just married other people. No one told Frank about soulmates so the thin scars that appeared on his wrists didn’t seem like a big deal to him. He shrugged and assumed he’s scratched himself without noticing. He was also to young to know what a series of horizontal lines along the inside of a person’s wrist meant. The marks stayed for about a week but they soon faded and he forgot about them.

Life went on as usual for Frank. He didn’t think about how he’d sometimes get bruises or scratches but he never remembered where they came from because he was a pretty clumsy kid, no way he could remember every time he bumped into a counter or fell off his bike. He just assumed that he was accident prone and bruised easily.

The next time he realized marks on his body and knew he hadn’t made them it was a year later when he noticed two words scrolled lazily on his palm in black ink.  _ Buy headphones _ . He knew he didn’t write that and couldn’t remember any of his friends writing it on him, but where else could it have come from? The writing faded soon but not like ink usual faded by slowly wearing away. It smeared like it was being rubbed away even though Frank wasn’t wiping it off. There were times he swore he saw the ink smearing  before his eyes without him touching it, but that was impossible right?

He noticed lots more little notes for the next few years but never said anything because he didn’t want people to think there was something wrong with him. The messages and marks also got more common. At first he might see a mark once a month or so but by the time he turned fourteen, he noticed several a day.

~

He woke up one morning -the first day of summer break actually- and noticed that his finger tips and palms were dyed black like he’s been drawing with a gel pen. This was nothing new to him, but what really caught his attention was the single light pink scar horizontal across his wrist. He had forgotten about those marks completely because he was too young to understand but now he knew what that meant. What he did not know was why the hell they were on  _ his _ wrist.

He did not cut, he never had. The weird little messages had been easy enough to ignore and no one cared that he had ink on his hands, but this was different. He yawned and got his laptop out, not bothering to get out of bed. He searched everything he knew about what was happening which, granted, wasn’t much but it was all he had. “Scars showing up on body without reason”

He scrolled through the search results and started to get frustrated because it wasn’t explaining anything. Most results just said things like how some people scar more easily and sometimes those people don’t even notice getting a cut that creates a small scar the next day, nothing like what Frank was looking for. He was about three pages into google’s search results when he saw a website page entitled “Soulmates.” He’d heard people talk about soulmates before but never thought much because whenever he asked anyone about it all they said was “it’s just an old thing, don’t worry about it.” Maybe he should have asked more but it never seemed like a big deal to anyone. He clicked the link and started reading.

_ “The term ‘soulmates’ refers to two people who are meant to be together from birth. Soulmates often share similar interests and emotions, in some cases they may even become somewhat telepathic with the other’s emotions.” _

His reading was cut off by a knock on his door and his mother, Christie Iero’s voice from the hallway “Frankie? Are you up?”

He closed the computer, he knew she hated him being on it this early “yeah, just woke up.”

She opened the door and walked into his room. She scowled at the mess but kept herself from saying anything because he had only gotten through his eighth-grade final exams yesterday. “Good morning, do you have any plans for today?” She asked sweetly and sat on the foot of his bed.

“Not really, but-” he tried to say that he wanted to relax for the day but she cut him off.

“Wonderful, your father and I were just talking and we think it would be a good idea for all of us to go somewhere, together.”

Frank groaned, family outings were one of his least favorite things “mom, please, can’t I please stay here?”

“You’ve been cooped up in your room for weeks trying to study for finals, don’t you want to get outside for a while? We were thinking about going to Chatham Borough, doesn’t that sound fun?”

“Why Chatham Borough? What even is there to do there?” He argued. He’d been to Chatham Borough a thousand times before on class trips and was never impressed. It was your average historic town, full of old-timey shops and parks but there wasn’t much besides that.

“Because, honey,” she said in a stricter tone that Frank knew meant he wasn’t getting out of this “it will be a great way for all of us to spend time together. Your father-”

“He isn’t my father,” Frank snapped. Jason was not his father, he was his step-father at best. Jason was nice enough but Frank’s real father left before Frank was even born. It wasn’t that Frank didn’t like Jason or spending time with his family but they could be pretty overbearing at times.

“ _ Jason _ and I,” she continued “we wanted to give you too boys some time to bond.”

“I don’t want to bond with him though!” Frank hadn’t meant for that to come out so harsh but he wouldn’t take it back either because it was true. “He isn’t my father and, let’s accept it, mom, this will probably end just like Paul, and Larry.”

He felt the anger leave him as soon as he saw the way her eyes dropped. He tried not to be too hard on his mother. She had only been eighteen when he was born and his father had left her with nothing; no money, no home, no job, no friends. She then had to work two jobs in order to feed them. She managed to land a good teaching position at the local middle school after taking night-classes for over a year. Life still wasn’t easy though, although the job was a steady paycheck it wasn’t much and she was a single mother. He couldn’t blame her for trying to find a husband quickly but at the same time he was tired of seeing her hurt when it ended.

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled, unsure of what else he could say “we can go, i-if you really want.” He wasn’t happy about the idea but he knew it was the right thing to do.

~

An hour later, Frank was crammed into the backseat of Jason’s Prius with his earbuds in to drown out the sounds of Jason’s rant about taxes or something along those mundane lines. His phone was on sixty percent already and he was trying to stay off it to keep it from dying but that was becoming increasingly difficult. He checked Google Maps to see how much longer the drive would be and sighed audibly when he saw that the estimated time until they got to the city was still another forty-five minutes, not that the city would be much more interesting but at least he could stretch his legs once they got there. His mother reached back when he sighed and tapped his knee to get his attention. He jumped and pulled one of his headphones out, signaling he was paying attention.

“Are you bored?” She asked like the answer wasn’t obvious.

“No,” he said sarcastically “I’m really enjoying this game of seeing how many cows we can pass before I fall asleep. I’m at sixty-seven so far.”

She huffed in annoyance and he took that as a win. “I’m serious.”

“Hi, Serious.” He rolled his eyes “I’m Frank.”

Jason laughed from the driver’s seat “you’re a sarcastic little guy, aren’t you?”

“He gets like this when he’s in a bad mood,” his mother said, looking back at the road. Frank put his earbud back in and turned the volume up, letting himself get lost in the music.   
  


~

 

Frank was brought back to reality by the car parking. Had it been forty-five minutes already? He got really caught up in his thoughts and lost all track of time so it wasn’t surprising. He sat up more properly and looked around. Same old Chatham Borough as always; same plain wooden buildings, same annoying school groups and camps, same noisy streets lined with the same stands selling the same overpriced food.

“Ready to go, Frank?” Jason asked as he turned to him.

Frank shrugged and got out, slipping his phone into the pocket of his skinny jeans. “I doubt saying no will get me out of this so yeah.”

“At least  _ try _ and enjoy yourself today, alright?” His mother said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Frank pulled away and muttered softly “whatever.” The two adults gave up and dropped the topic after that, opting instead to return to their conversation. Frank put his headphones back in and sighed; it was going to be a long day.

~

The walk to the park took around twenty minutes because Frank’s mother and Jason kept wanting to go into every little shop to look at souvenirs. Frank swore they couldn’t get ten feet before hearing “oh, Christie! Look at this!” Or “Jason, we  _ need _ look around in here.” He was used to it by now because this happened pretty much every time they left the goddamn house, but what really got on his nerves was his mother showing him some shoddily made bracelet and saying “honey, isn’t this nice? You should give it to a special girl from school.”

‘No, mom, I don’t like girls’ he thought but of course didn’t say that. He had known for a while that he was gay. It had never been a question in his mind even when he was young. When the other boys in his class were talking about Selena Gomez on the playground he just didn’t care. He was in seventh grade when he figured it out for sure that he liked guys; he had never liked girls in that way but guys… They were so…

“Frank, keep up!” His mother called when he started to lag behind because he got lost in thought “we need to get to the park soon if we want to go on our walk before it closes!”

He jogged to catch up and suppressed his homosexual tendencies again, like he always did. It wasn’t as hard as it sounded though because he never really liked people. Sure, he would sometimes watch a movie and think ‘damn, he’s pretty hot’ and stuff but there was never anyone he met and wanted a long-term relationship with. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“What about?” Jason asked.

“Nothing important, only school stuff” he lied impulsively.

His mother wrung her hands and frowned “you worry too much about academics. You should relax more this summer. After all, we only have so many summers left before you go to college.”

He smiled a little at how inaccurate that was, He really didn’t care about school that much but it was his go-to excuse for whatever thing he was doing. He was on his computer late at night to study, he couldn’t go for a family walk because he had homework, et cetera.

“I know,” he said a lot more cheerfully than he felt “I’m only wondering what scores I got on my exams.”

Jason smiled and ruffled Frank’s black hair, causing him to grimace and pull away “looks like you raised a little scholar, Christie.”

Frank resented that statement but it wouldn’t do him any good to argue.

“I did.” She agreed so sweetly Frank was scared he might get diabetes “I’m so proud of him.”

“Mom!” Frank whined “stop.”

“And modest too!” Jason complimented.

Frank had never been so relieved to see a sign for a park “oh, mom, look, we’re here. Can we eat now?”

They got distracted by that and forgot about the topic of complimenting traits that Frank didn’t have and instead started bickering about who would pay the entry fee. They settled on having Frank’s mother pay since Jason had made lunch, so Frank was left with Jason to wait for her.

“So..” the older man prompted awkwardly. Jason and Christie had been dating for about four months but they still didn’t know each other well due to Frank’s determination to interact with as few humans as possible as well as he just couldn’t be bothered to get along with all of his mother’s boyfriends because they never stuck around, he tried not to let on that that was the real reason for it.

“So,” he muttered as if it were an actual reply then turned his music volume up more, hoping Jason would catch onto the hint that Frank wasn’t in a talking mood, not that he ever was. No such luck though because Jason continued to push the conversation.

“Have you been here before?”

“Many,  _ many _ times,” He stated, leaning back against the informational sign that was half overgrown with plants since the last time he’d been there.

“Wow, you must seriously like it then.”

Frank actually laughed out loud, which was pretty much unheard of “I hate it, but my mom likes it so…”

Jason smiled softly and Frank cursed himself silently for even saying anything “you really love your mom, don’t you?”

“Doesn’t everyone? That’s a pretty stupid question.”

“Well yeah, pretty much everyone at least, but not everyone would agree to go somewhere they hate just to make their mom happy.”

“She puts up with me, she deserves some sort of reward for that although if I was her I’d be trying to get away from me.”

Jason put his hand on his step-son’s shoulder but Frank pulled away again. “You’re not hard to put up with, Frank.”

“Have you met me? I’m a sarcastic little assh-” he cut himself off quickly seeing as he just cursed around the person who was more or less his father, according to his mother at least “um, person.” He corrected.

Jason just laughed “I won’t tell Christie, that’ll be our secret.”

Frank smiled “you’re growing on me, I hope you stick around for a while.”   


~

Frank spent most of the walk thinking about what he would do that summer and came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t do much of anything. He didn’t have enough friends to do much with them. He knew people, sure, but he didn’t have any people he wanted to call up and hang out with. Maybe he’d make more friends in high school next year but he doubted it because wasn’t high school supposed to be social hell for people like him? He never minded not having many friends though, he was used to it. He’d try to get through the next four years before college where hopefully life would get better, or at least that was what he told himself.

He tried not to fall asleep in the car because then he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night if he did but his phone died and he had nothing to do so he fell asleep anyway. He slept through the whole car ride despite the fact that his back was bent in an uncomfortable way that would hurt later. Jason was the one who woke him up which was probably a bad idea because Frank still didn’t know how how he felt about him and he  _ really _ hated waking up.

“Wake up, Frank. We’re home.”

Frank groaned and stretched, scowling at the pain in his spine “no. I’m home, and my mom is home.  _ You’re _ not home, you don’t live with us.”

Jason looked a little surprised but he honestly should have expected that sort of reaction. “You’re right, sorry, just an expression.”

Frank shrugged and got out of the car, not saying anything as he walked past Jason and into the house. He disappeared into his room before someone could stop him and closed the door. His laptop was still sitting on his nightstand so he pulled it onto his lap as he sat down on his bed.

The page about soulmates from that morning was still open when he unlocked it. He’d completely forgotten about that but he pulled his jacket sleeve up and, sure enough, the marks were still on his wrist. He plugged his phone in and started reading again, picking up where he left off.

_ “Soulmates are connected by a soulbond. The soulbond strengthens over time so some soulmates may not know of each other until their late teens. The connection process begins at different times for everyone but often becomes noticeable earlier if one soulmate needs the other. Something like a death in the family or other major life change can jump-start the bond to help the two soulmates bond faster. The soulbond starts physically with marks on skin being shared between the two soulmates. So if one soulmate A skins their knee, soulmate B might find a scab on their knee the next day.” _

Frank jumped a little at the knock on his door and then  his mother’s voice from outside “honey, do you want dinner?”

“Um, no, I’m pretty tired so I’m just going to go to bed.” He lied.

She didn’t catch on and said“okay, Frankie. Goodnight.”

“Night, mom!” He called before returning to the page on his computer. Did he seriously have a soulmate? Was there a person out there he was meant to be with forever? Who were they? He swallowed and looked at his wrist. Why were they doing that to themself? How could he find them and help them?

_ Writing has also proven to show up on both soulmates since the invention of ink so many modern soulmates can communicate by writing on their skin. Over time, the bond between the soulmates grows until it reaches an emotional point. Soulmates may be able to feel each other’s emotions and, in extreme cases, even hear their thoughts. _

Frank felt like he needed to help this person, whoever they were, so he got up and started looking for a pen that would show up on his hand. He shuffled through the various papers and books left on his desk from exams for almost five minutes before finding a thin black sharpie, perfect. He looked down at his hand but to his surprise saw a hastily written note already on his hand:

_ Is anyone out there? _


	2. Chapter 2: Prologue Part II

Gerard was twelve when he first put a blade to his skin. He hadn’t meant for it to go that far but things had gotten hard again. His dad had left again and even though Gerard knew it was just for work, it always made him feel horrible. He didn’t have a mom so when his dad left on business he was left to take care of his brother, Mikey. He was only gone for the weekend but the stress had gotten to him. He knew this wouldn’t stop and would only get worse as he grew up. His father, Paul Way, had no clue how to be a dad so although he had a good amount of money, he didn’t take Mikey and Gerard with him or at the very least hire someone to keep an eye on them. Once Gerard was old enough to look after Mikey for a long time he knew Paul would leave for even longer. His mother had been arrested for counterfeit last year and would be in jail for the next fourteen years, which left Mikey and Gerard with their father who they’d never met.

 

Gerard knew enough to know that people would cut their wrists to relieve pain and it wasn’t really a conscious decision when he did the same thing. Mikey, who was eight at the time, was already in bed and Gerard was putting the dishes away in the kitchen, or at least that’s what he had been doing before he had another reality check. His mom was gone. She wouldn’t be there when he started high school, she wouldn’t be there for his prom, she wouldn’t be there for his graduation; she might never even be in his life again. His life had been changed forever and suddenly he was essentially taking care of himself and Mikey by himself most of the time. He ran his fingers over the blade of the knife carefully, tears clouding his vision, before placing the serrated metal against the inside of his wrist and pushed.

 

He hissed in pain and dropped the knife. Was it supposed to hurt that much? The blood wasn’t running like it would if the cut was deeper, instead just beading along the line in bright red drops. He covered the cut with a paper towel to stop the bleeding and then washed the cut. The bleeding stopped then and he promised himself then that he would never do that again because that wasn’t the person he wanted to be or the way he wanted to solve his problems.

 

~

 

He kept that promise for four years, until he was sixteen. Paul still left him alone to look after the now-twelve-year-old Mikey but he got used to it. He knew that Paul was trying so he didn’t mind much anymore, plus Mikey was easy to take care of. He still had bad anxiety and depression even though he didn’t know it at the time but he learned to deal with it. Things were pretty neutral for a while, until his mom came back into his life.

 

“Hey, Gerard?” Paul said as he walked into the kitchen where Gerard was drinking his usual morning coffee even though it was almost nine in the morning.

 

“Hmph” Gerard grunted drowsily in response.

 

“It’s about your mother…”

 

That woke Gerard up more than caffeine ever could and he set the mug down on the counter “what about her?”

 

Paul checked his watch like he always did when he was nervous “I got a call last night, apparently she can get visitors now or something… Do you want to see her?”

 

Gerard swallowed and looked at the ground. He’d accepted at this point that his mother wasn’t in his life anymore and wouldn’t ever be, even once she got out. She’d also been charged with a bunch of drug crimes but they only found out about that after she was arrested for counterfeit, adding another ten years to her sentence. Gerard didn’t  _ want _ her in his life, or Mikey’s.

 

“Y-yeah?” He stuttered not sure what else to say.

 

Paul looked at him, the dark bags under his eyes more prominent than usual as if he’d been up worrying “Gerard, I understand that Stephanie isn’t… A part of your life, our lives, anymore and this is up to you but I’m going to see her just so she knows you guys are safe, you can chose whether or not to come along but just remember that this opportunity might not be available again.”

 

~

 

So that was how Gerard ended up sitting with Paul in the visiting room of a federal prison, on the verge of a panic attack. He hadn’t even talked to his mother in years because her behaviour was never good enough for visitation and calls, but maybe the fact that her behavior was better meant she wanted to see him? He hoped so. 

 

He was biting his nails to the bed with nervousness to the point where he could taste blood on his tongue but he didn’t stop until he heard the door to the room open. Two guards escorted a group of about ten prisoners in and then took their posts by the doors. An older woman sat down at their table and Gerard didn’t even recognise her as his mother until she pushed her greasy, tangled hair out of her face. Her eyes were harsh and her mouth set in a permanent scowl as if she were being forced to be here, nothing like the woman Gerard used to know.

 

Luckily for Gerard, Paul broke the silence “so, Stepha-”

 

She cut him off with a glare “Way. It’s Way here, not  _ that _ ,” she spat out like even just the mention of her old name was an insult. Then she turned her eyes to Gerard. “Which one are you?”

 

He looked at her, dumbfounded “wh-what?”

 

“Mikey or Gerard?” She said like it were a normal question for a mother to ask and it was him who was in the wrong here.

 

His heart dropped and he looked at his lap “Gerard...” He mumbled.

 

“Speak up! You’ll never get anywhere in the world if you just take it like a whore!”

 

Paul put his arm out over Gerard’s chest protectively when she stood, not lowering it even when a guard came over. “Way, do you want to go back to solitary?” He asked, his hand resting on his radio.

 

“Fuck you and fuck your solitary! You’d do the same if your son was a fucking emo pussy!” She snapped.

 

The second guard came over as well to help them snap her handcuffs back on. The first guard pulled her back out of the room despite her physical and vocal protests. Gerard felt paralyzed by… by something. Something like fear but worse, it was something he had only felt a few times in his life. It was like that feeling right before the drop of a roller coaster where the whole world stops and you can’t breathe except it didn’t drop. He kept sitting, pale as a corpse and frozen to his chair, his brown eyes wide. Paul put his hand on Gerard’s shoulder and helped him up. He felt like his legs were about to give out under him and the room that was previously awkwardly quiet was now too loud. He could hear Paul say his name but it sounded like he was underwater. His head was spinning so bad he couldn’t see clearly anymore and he had to hold onto the table to stay stable. His anxiety hadn’t been that bad in years, not since moving in with Paul, but he didn’t even start to calm down until they got back home.

 

~

 

“Gerard, please don’t take anything she said personally,” Paul said once they were home “she… she’s not all there.”

 

Gerard knew he was trying to help but it wasn’t making him feel better “I’m just gonna head to bed, I think.” He muttered “I need some time to think.”

 

Paul nodded and let him go into his room. When Gerard was upset he tried to get away from everything, usually drowning himself in his art or music, so it wasn’t an unexpected thing for him to do.

 

Gerard shut the door behind him and locked it. The ringing in his ears was slightly quieter now and he leaned back against the wall, trying to block out his spinning thoughts.

 

_ Which one are you? _

 

He made his way into the shower and turned on the water as hot as it would go.

 

_ Speak up! _

 

He stripped his clothes off and stepped into the stream of water, not minding the way the heat turned his pale skin slightly red.

 

_ Fucking emo pussy! _

 

He looked down at his hands, watching the ink that permanently stained his fingers wash down the drain when he noticed his razor sitting on the rim of the tub. The blade was cheap and barely protected by a thin ring of plastic, it would easily break skin if pressure was applied. He picked it up and looked at it, his heart rate speeding up at that idea.

 

_ Never get anywhere. _

 

With that he closed his eyes and pressed the razor against the inside of his wrist. It stung as slid across his skin but somehow didn’t feel bad. It was almost like a distraction and the stinging on his wrist overrode the thoughts echoing around his brain. His hands were shaking as he put the razor back on the rim and then looked at the fresh marks. There wasn’t much blood but it showed up bright against his pale skin and then against the porcelain bathtub. He watched as his blood swirled down the drain with the water for a second before getting out of the shower and wrapping a hand towel around his wrist to stop the bleeding. The cuts weren’t actually all that bad -he’d bled more from falling off his bike when he was nine- but it felt monumentally different. The bleeding stopped after only a few minutes which only left three pink, horizontal lines on his skin from the three blades on the razor. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing, after all it made him feel better and could that really be wrong?

 

He wrapped gauze around his wrist and pulled on the hoodie and sweatpants he always slept in before flopping down on his bed. His usual insomnia seemed to be taking a break tonight so he started to fall asleep quickly. He barely had the mental capacity to even turn his light off before he completely crashed for the night.

 

~

 

Gerard woke up around noon like he always did when he was on a break from school to a loud knock on his door. He groaned and sat up “what do you want?” He mumbled, too tired to care about being polite.

 

“Can you make lunch?” Mikey asked from the other side of the door.

 

“Ask Paul.” he buried his face back into his pillow to try and get some peace.

 

“He left this morning though.” Mikey said, poking his head into Gerard’s room. Paul hadn’t said he was leaving that day, but he didn’t always tell them if he was overworked or only going away for a few days. 

 

Gerard dragged himself out of bed and yawned. “Give me a second, I’ll meet you there.”

 

Mikey left and closed the door behind him, leaving Gerard to wake up. He went into his bathroom to brush his teeth and change into a clean pair of pajamas because lord knows he wasn’t leaving the house so he might as well be comfortable. He pulled off his hoodie and glanced down at his hand. He was almost surprised when he saw the gauze still wrapped around his wrist, a few red drops showing through the white fabric.

He had been too tired to really remember it before and too dazed when he did it for the reality of his actions to really sink in. He unwrapped it slowly and winced at the way the cuts stung, they hurt more than they did last night and he regretted not putting more effort into keeping them from getting infected. White scar tissue was starting to form over the cuts but they still looked like they could tear easily if he moved his hand the wrong way so he wrapped them with fresh gauze and covered that with a clean sweatshirt. He looked perfectly normal -for him at least- no one had to know about his unconventional coping methods and they wouldn’t. No one would get hurt because no one would know. He’d make a few cuts when it all got to be too much but never deep enough to do any real damage, no harm in that.

  
  


Mikey was sitting on the edge of the table when Gerard met him downstairs. The younger brother was idly swinging his long legs as he flipped through some music magazine. People had always said the two of them looked alike and Gerard never saw it when they were little but now as Mikey grew up he started to see a younger, blonder version of himself; he just hoped that he would be different enough that he wouldn’t have to put up with the same shit Gerard did.

 

“Morning.” Gerard muttered as he passed by him into the kitchen.

 

“‘S not morning, Gee.” He argued and turned to face Gerard, putting the magazine down but not getting off the table.

 

“It’s morning for me. Now what do you want?”

 

Mikey thought for a few seconds and leaned back on his hands “sandwiches? I don’t think even  _ you _ can screw those up.”

 

Ah yes, it seemed Mikey had also inherited Gerard’s dry humor. Fantastic. Now there were two assholes running around the house.

 

“You’re hilarious. I’ll make sure to spit in yours.” Gerard said dryly as he started to make the sandwiches.

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Mikey taunted.

 

“You wanna bet, bitch?” He turned to face his brother and raised an eyebrow even though he had no intention of carrying out the threat.

 

“Nah,” the younger brother shrugged “I’m hungry and don’t want to risk it. Plus you probably have some nasty disease that makes you so ugly.” He snickered despite trying to keep a straight face.

 

“You little shit.” Gerard couldn’t help but laugh as he tossed a bag of potato chips to Mikey. “Why don’t you do what other twelve year olds do?”

 

“What even do normal twelve year olds do?”

 

Gerard shrugged, it wasn’t as if he had been a normal twelve year old “climb trees, talk about how girls have cooties, watch  _ Dora _ ; I don’t know, something.”

 

“That sounds boring. I’d rather bug you.”

 

Gerard rolled his eyes and handed Mikey his sandwich “you’re so weird.”

 

Mikey shrugged as he ate and nudged Gerard’s leg with his foot.

 

“What do you want?” Gerard asked as he started working on his own lunch.

 

“Just wanted to bother you.”

 

“You  _ always _ want to bother me, Mikey.”

 

“Yeah,” he conceded “you love me though.”

 

~

 

Gerard started drawing once they finished lunch and Mikey knew better than to interrupt him. He got in this mood where he could get get completely lost in his art but only if he was left alone for a few hours. By the end, his hands would be multicolored from ink and paint. After all that time though he only had a small portion of the idea he was trying put onto paper completed and he wasn’t all that happy with what he had. He didn’t have time to work any more or wallow in self pity because Mikey knocked on the door. 

 

“I’m gonna order pizza, what do you want?”

 

Gerard set his pen down and sighed “whatever you’re getting, I’m not picky.”

 

Mikey went back to whatever he was doing before -ordering, Gerard presumed- and Gerard leaned back in his desk chair. He hated that Mikey was forced to grow up so fast. He hated that Mikey couldn’t have a normal childhood with a normal family. He hated that Mikey was fine with the way they lived because it was all he knew. He hated that Mikey probably wouldn’t remember much of their life before this, true their mom wasn’t parent of the year by any means but at least she was  _ there _ . 

 

Yesterday’s eyeliner stung his eyes as he teared up which only made him tear up more until a black-stained tear landed on his hand. The black of the eyeliner spread over his palm and butterflied across the lines of his palm; that gave him an idea. He grabbed a black sharpie out of his box of cheaper pens and uncapped it. He wrote the first thing that came to his mind on the back of his hand:  _ is anyone out there? _

 

He watched the ink spread in spiderwebs out across his skin but it was still legible. It was absolutely beautiful and he wished he could capture it somehow. He picked up his phone to take a picture of it so he could try and copy it onto paper later but when he looked at the camera screen he saw three different words below the ones he wrote. 

 

_ Let me help. _

 

He furrowed his eyebrows and lowered the phone. Sure enough, the words were still there. He knew for sure that there was no way he wrote them -hell, they weren’t even in his handwriting- but they were definitely there. He didn’t know what else to do so he decided that he might as well reply.

 

_ Who are you? _

 

He sat and watched as new letters appeared under his in the same messy handwriting as before. Whoever was writing wrote more this time and their words covered his palm.

 

_ My name is Frank Iero. I live in New Jersey and am fourteen years old. I’m also your soulmate (I’m not crazy, google it.) _

 

Frank. The name was one of those names you always hear on TV but never meet anyone who actually has the name. Gerard liked the name even though some people might find it almost comical. It was straight to the point and -well- frank. He had also heard of soulmates before but didn’t they all die off decades ago? It made sense though. So Frank could see what he wrote and… Oh.

 

He looked down at the cuts on his wrist and swallowed. That’s why he had offered help; he knew. So much for nobody finding out.

 

He moves to writing on his right hand because he was out of room on his left which made his handwriting significantly worse but it was still legible.  _ My name is Gerard Way but most people call me Gee. I live in New York (not the city, the state) and I’m sixteen years old. Soulmates are still a thing? _

 

_ They’re just rare now. I guess we were destined to be. _

 

It still hadn’t really sunk in to Gerard yet that he had a soulmate but it was starting to.

 

_ Can you tell me more about yourself? I want to know you better if we’re going to be together for eternity. _

 

_ I’m Italian, live with my mom, have brown eyes, and am really really short. I also get sick a lot. _

 

Gerard was starting to get a vague idea of what Frank might look like but he wanted more.

 

_ What do you look like? _

 

Gerard had to take his sweatshirt off to see what Frank wrote next because he was writing on his arm now.  _ I don’t really know how to describe myself but I’ll try. My hair is brown but I am going to dye it black in a few weeks, I have really pink lips (people always think I’m wearing lipstick), my mom says she’s jealous of my eyebrows but I don’t really get what that means, and I’m pretty pale. What about you? _

 

Gerard smiled and closed his eyes, trying to picture Frank better. He had trouble with it because no one describes themselves accurately but his idea of Frank was getting more definite.

 

_ I have black hair and really pale skin (picture Dracula with higher cheekbones), my eyes are brown and I’m really tall. _

 

Frank didn’t reply for a while, Gerard wished he could be with him just to see him and see what he was doing. Frank intrigued him in a way he didn’t understand. He just wanted to know him and for Frank to know him as well. 

 

Frank wrote again after a few long minutes for Gerard, his words carefully avoiding the cuts on his wrists which confirmed that he definitely could see them.

 

_ What were you upset about before? _

 

_ It’s stupid. My dad just goes away a lot and I have to look after my little brother and I wish he had a better life. _

 

_ That isn’t stupid. I’m sorry you have to do all that. _

 

Frank was way too good for Gerard. He deserved someone who wasn’t so fucked up.

 

_ It is though. I’m sixteen so I should be able to handle a little responsibility, plus I’ve been doing it for years. _

 

_ Exactly. You shouldn’t have to spend your entire life looking after your brother, it isn’t fair to you. _

 

Gerard’s arm was quickly filling up with ink and soon he’d have to move to his other arm.  _ I guess. I still think I’m overreacting. _

 

_ Don’t think like that, or at least try not to. You’re trying and that’s what matters. Please don’t do that again. _

 

Gerard swallowed and chewed on his lip.  _ Do what? _

 

Instead of replying Frank just drew a circle around the cuts on Gerard’s wrist.

 

_ It’s better than the alternative.  _ Gerard wrote simply on his other arm.

 

_ Please, G. Promise me you’ll talk to someone instead and try and calm down, at least try. _

 

Gerard sighed and wiped his eyes.  _ Will you be mad if I can’t stop? _

 

_ You  _ _ can _ _ stop, but I won’t be mad if it takes a while. I just want you to be happy. _

 

Another tear ran down Gerard’s cheek but not because he was sad. He didn’t even have words anymore. No one besides his family had ever cared like this and it was just so overwhelmingly amazing. In the last half hour he found out he had a soulmate; a wonderful, smart, kind soulmate who didn’t care that he was fucked up and didn’t mind that he wouldn’t be fixed for a long time, maybe not ever.

 

_ Thank you, Frank, really. Will we always be able to talk like this? _

 

_ I think so. It’s better than texting or anything because it’s always visible so I’ll always be here if you need a friend. _

 

Friend. That was something they hadn’t brought up. If they were soulmates then they were supposed to be together romantically but Frank was only fourteen. Two years was still a big deal at that age and Gerard wasn’t sure he wanted to be the sixteen year old dating someone who was only fourteen.

 

_ Are we going to date eventually? I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m sorry. _

 

_ Neither do I. You’re a lot older so it would kind of be weird right now. I guess we can be friends for now and we’ll get together later when the age doesn’t mean as much. It’s not like we could do anything couple-y now anyway so it doesn’t really matter. _

 

_ Good point. I’m really- _ his writing was cut off by a knock on his door and Mikey’s voice “pizza’s here. Want me to bring you some?”

 

“I-I’m good” Gerard replied and then cursed himself for stuttering like that “just save me some and I’ll get it later.” He locked his door to keep Mikey from walking in and then went back to writing.  _ -glad I wrote that. I never write on my hands so I don’t know if I would have met you any time soon. _

 

_ Me too. I’m glad I know you now, Gerard. _

 

_ I’m glad I know you too, Frank.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long. My school decided to pile a bunch of work on me all at once and that was my first priority but I did manage to get this done. This is the last part of the prologue and after this, the actual plot will pick up more. As always, leave any and all feedback in the comments and leave kudos if you like it. Thanks for readi


	3. Chapter 3

Throughout the summer, Frank and Gerard talked almost every day. They learned so much about each other by writing on their skin and occasionally emailing. They had exchanged pictures of themselves over email and Frank had been absolutely blown away. Gerard was even more attractive than he had imagined _.  _ He had black hair that fell down to his shoulders and never went where Gerard wanted it. His eyes were dark and usually rimmed with black eyeliner that stood out again his pale skin. And his fucking cheekbones, holy shit. They were prominent, almost to the point of being feminine looking. He wasn’t hot or cute like most guys Frank saw, he was stunningly gorgeous.

They had talked about just emailing instead of writing on their skin to communicate but they always went back to the latter. Emailing required a charged computer or phone, and internet, and once school started again that was harder to come by. So when Frank woke up on October 31st he saw a note scribbled on the back of his hand.  _ Happy birthday! _

He smiled to himself and sat up.  _ Oh yeah _ , he thought,  _ I’m fifteen today _ . He picked up the pen he always kept by his bed and wrote back.  _ Thank you! Happy Halloween. _

He still had school today so he changed out of his sweatpants so he could shower. He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled. A few days ago he had decided to change his hair from the plain black to most of it being shaved and bleached, leaving only a strip down the middle black and long. Jason called it a flaccid mohawk when he saw it and Frank hadn’t talked to him since. He hadn’t shown Gerard yet but he planned to send him a picture once school was over.

He got into the shower and rubbed the ink off his hand, something he’d grown accustomed to since he started talking to Gerard. The cool water woke him up better than any alarm could but the thought of dragging himself back to what Frank liked to call the slow suffocation of any hopes, dreams, or personality of the common youth; better known to the public as the American education system.

~

Frank sat down in class and took his pen out so he could start talking to Gerard. On his now-clean hand there was already a message.  _ Can we Skype tonight? I want to show you your present. _

‘What?’ Frank thought. People still didn’t know about them so Gerard couldn’t send him anything, Gerard was smart enough to know that.

_ You know that I can’t have anything you got me, right? _

Frank had to wait a few minutes for a reply and pretend to listen to the lecture his teacher was giving on geometry. 

“ If both pairs of opposite angles of a quadrilateral are congruent, then what figure is it?” His teacher, Mr. Terrell asked. Silence. “No one knows? What about you Iero?”

Frank looked up at the sound of his name but honestly had no idea what question had been asked. “Um, circle?”

Mr. Terrell groaned in disappointment, Frank felt a little bad because he wasn’t a horrible teacher, he just taught a really shit class in a really shit school. “Frank, a circle doesn’t have angles.”

“Oh,” Frank mumbled, trying to ignore the snickers from around the room “triangle?”

Mr. Terrell then gave up on trying to get Frank to answer correctly “the figure would be a parallelogram.”

Frank tuned out again and looked back at his hand where Gerard had -finally- replied.  _ I got it all figured out, Frankie. Don’t worry. _

_ You didn’t have to get me anything. _

_ You’re my soulmate. Of course I got you something. _

Frank smiled at the mention of being Gerard’s soulmate. It was odd how they both knew they were meant to be together but they were still ‘just friends.’ Gerard always said it was because of the age difference but Frank had a suspicion it was more than that. Two years was nothing these days. Frank knew people who other freshmen who were dating seniors, and Gerard was only a sophomore. He didn’t know why he wanted to date Gerard so bad, it wasn’t like they’d be able to kiss or touch or anything like that, but he wanted it so bad.

_ You're insane. How’s English? _

They’d memorized each other’s schedules a while ago and now always knew what class the other was in, it was a nice system.

_ Boring as shit. We’re talking about Gilgamesh. _

_ Wasn’t that written when people still lived in mud or something? _

“Frank, I really hope it’s notes that you’re writing on your hand,” Mr. Terrell interrupted “because after the ‘circle’ incident, I think you’ll need them.”

Frank waved his hand vaguely and nodded “yeah, notes, parallelograms.”

That seemed to be enough to satisfy Mr. Terrell so he didn’t push any further even though anyone with a brain would know that Frank was doing anything except writing notes.

_ Something like that. I don’t know. _

_ Math is pretty boring too. Something about squares. _

He looked up at the board to see Mr. Terrell drawing a diamond, which is kind of like a square so he was close. “Remember,” Terrell started “this is  _ not  _ a diamond.” Okay, maybe he wasn’t as close as he thought. 

Frank was about to try and pay attention but then he saw Gerard writing a short essay on his arm and decided that whatever he was freaking out was way more interesting than the not-diamond.  _ My teacher just said it had homoerotic subtext! I love this book! _

Frank almost laughed out loud which would be really hard to explain but he’d gotten good at suppressing that stuff lately.  _ Oh my god, G. Not everything had to be gay. _

_ But this actually is! Gilgy is actually in love with his best friend! _

Frank rolled his eyes. Gerard was very good at finding homosexuality in everything, it was a talent.  _ Seriously? _

_ Seriously. His friend died and he spends the rest of his like crying about it, then at the end he’s talking to a goddess or something and she says “you will love him as a wife” or something. Idk but this is the best thing that’s happened to me all year. _

Gerard was adorable. He got so excited about little things and Frank could practically see the huge, dorky grin spread across his face and the way he’s wiggle in his seat like he always did when he got excited. Frank couldn’t imagine having a better soulmate.

That was only on good days, though. Gerard had bad days too, and it scared Frank if he was honest. Gerard closed up. He barely talked to Frank and on the worst days, Frank would wake up with new scars showing on his wrists. It was rare for things to get that bad but it did happen. Frank sometimes had to stay up all night on Skype or writing on his arm trying to calm him down. He liked to think that he helped but he honestly didn’t know, and that scared him. People liked to think someone could come into your life and just fix everything but that wasn’t the way it worked, at the end of the day Gerard had to do this himself and all Frank could do was help.

~

They didn’t talk in every class because if they did they’d be covered in ink eternally and someone would be bound to notice eventually. Frank didn’t talk to him again until gym class, Frank’s least favorite class. The only thing Frank liked about being in a bag school was that each class had so many people that you could never tell if someone wasn’t there.

_ Hi. _

He sat under the bleachers and looked at his hand, waiting for the reply. It took a while like it often did so he sat and listened to the sound of running shoes squeaking against the waxed floor and the occasional whistle blow. 

_ What’s up? _ Gerard wrote back after a few minutes.

_ Fucking gym. _

_ At least it’s the last class, right? _

Gerard had a point there. After this he could go home and do whatever he wanted, as soon as he finished his homework. Although, knowing his mother, she probably had something special planned because it was his birthday.

_ How’s math?  _ Frank asked as he heard someone scream from the other side of the bleachers. Dodgeball takes another victim. 

_ Boring, but it could be worse. We’ve got a free period so I’m drawing. _

One thing that Frank really wished he could see in person was Gerard’s art. The grainy Skype video couldn’t do such amazing art justice, it couldn’t do much of anything justice actually. Frank wanted to know what Gerard looked like in better lighting than his room provided and what the actual color of his eyes were, he wanted to know how his voice sounded when it wasn’t coming from a speaker or his headphones; but he was daydreaming again, he’d see Gerard for real one day but that would be a long time from now, he needed to focus on now or he’d get too upset.

_ What are you drawing? _

_ Nothing much, just practice stuff. _

Frank cracked his back against the gym wall and had the urge to lay down but the gym floor was actually disgusting so he didn’t.  _ At least you get out soon. _ He checked his phone, still forty-five more minutes.

_ I have detention though so that’s an extra two hours. _

_ What did you do? _

_ I drew on a desk. _

Frank smiled.  _ How rebellious. _

_ Shut up. _

~

Frank did his homework quickly and sloppily so he could get some free time in before his mom started harassing him about it being his birthday. Jason was there when he got home and both adults had greeted him with a hug and a promise for a special dinner and cake. Frank didn’t really care about either, if he was being honest, but didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so he pretended to be excited. 

Fortunately, since it was such a crazy night, his birthday celebrations would be short and he could Skype Gerard soon after. He never understood birthdays, it was just a day. Fifteen years ago he was brought into the world, whoop de doo. He was no more mature than he was yesterday or the day before that so why did people act like it was some huge deal? Most people just got excited for gifts and extravagant parties, he figured, but his family never had the money for those things. 

A knock on his door interrupted his homework which was almost a relief. He got up and opened the door to see Jason standing in his doorway holding a birthday hat. One of those shiny, cone shaped ones with the rainbow tassels on the top; if Jason thought he was going to get that on Frank he was very mistaken.

“Happy birthday!” He said cheerfully.

“Thanks,”

“Your mother and I made your favorite dinner.”

Funny, Frank thought, he had no recollection of  _ having _ a favorite dinner. He kept quiet though and let Jason lead him to the dining room table. He recognized the smell of his mom’s pumpkin curry and even though he didn’t have an official favorite meal this one was very close, it also matched the season.

Christie herself then pulled out a chair for him as well as her boyfriend before setting down drinks for them. They both thanked her and Frank looked out the window at the passing children outside as he waited for her. He wondered how long it would take before their dinner was interrupted by the doorbell.

She sat down with them and took both Jason and Frank’s hands.  _ Oh no, not this _ . Frank had grown up in a religious home and was religious himself but  _ this _ was something straight from hell. His mother’s glare told him to take Jason’s other hand and once he did she started to speak.

“Dear Father,   
We are so blessed to be given such a wonderful son.He is the light of our lives every day and for him we are so thankful. We pray on this day when we all celebrate his birth and his fifteen years on your green earth that your love will always chase after him. May he enjoy life and always be protected by you. Lead him forwards to become the man you have intended him to be, full of your grace and truth, strong in faith and hope, and rich in love.    
Thank you for his life so far. We continue to trust him to you.”

  
“Amen.” They said together on cue before dropping their hands.

“That was wonderful, Christie.” Jason mentioned as they began to eat.

“Thank you, honey. What did you think, Frankie?”

“Great, mom.” he said only to please her.

He had nothing against praying, his issue was when the prayer was about him. It drew too much attention to him and he didn’t like it. He far preferred that people prayed for something that mattered a little more, like world peace. 

~

Dinner, as expected, was interrupted several times by children in all assortments of costumes. There were the usual princesses, magicians, movie/book characters, and various animals but Frank personally preferred the traditional ones. Blood-soaked vampires and eerily billowing ghosts always enticed a smile from Frank. It just fit the whole idea of Halloween. What evil spirit would be scared away by Hello Kitty?

After dinner, Frank retreated back to his room again and quickly got his computer out. The little green icon showed that Gerard was online already. Frank put in one headphone so he could listen for Christie or Jason and listened to the automated ringing sound from the other ear. The Skype screen showed the “calling” icon for three rings and then Gerard answered. He sitting on his floor with his computer a few feet away, messing with something in front of him but out of the view of the camera. The older boy looked up after a second and smiled. His hair half-hid his eyes and his eyeliner was smeared from the day. One eye was a little darker than the other and Frank wondered if he had been beaten up again or if it was just sloppy application, he didn’t ask though.

“Hi!” Gerard said cheerfully and put down whatever he had been looking at before “I was starting to think you wouldn’t call.”

“Sorry, my mom decided I needed some dinner celebration thing.”

“What can you expect? It’s your birthday, he said with a shrug. “Speaking of which,” he looked back down at the floor and picked something up. He held a sheet of paper up to the camera until it came into a grainy kind of focus. It was a drawing the two of them in a style that Frank hadn’t seen him use before. It was somewhere between a comic style and a style he recognized from watching a lot of anime as chibi. It looked like it was done pretty quickly but still looked amazing. 

“Holy shit, Gee,” he said and Gerard lowered the paper. He was beaming with pride but clearly tried to hide it. “That’s really good, how long did it take you?”

“Only a few days, no big deal.” 

“Seriously, thank you. I would hug you if I could.”

“One day,” 

“Yeah…” Frank bit his lip, clearly the fact that they were so separated hurt both of them; but like Gerard had said, one day. “How was detention?”

“Boring. I slept through a lot of it though.”

“Well that’s good at least.” 

Gerard hummed in agreement and tapped his foot. There was something on his mind but Frank couldn’t tell what. “What’s wrong?” Frank asked cautiously.

“Oh,” Gerard smiled but Frank had a suspicion it was faked “nothing really. You know how this whole soulmates thing means that we’re supposed to be together? I was just trying to think what that would mean.”

Frank was confused, it seemed self-explanatory to him. They’d date, probably get married, adopt a dog; normal couple things.”What do you mean?”

“I mean that there are so many complications. The age difference and-”

“It’s two years.” Frank comforted “that matters right now but in a few years no one will give a shit.”

“What about the distance?”

“We’ll move to be together.”

Gerard sighed softly “I know. I just wish we could be together now.”

Frank’s face heated up and he knew he was blushing. Gerard wanted them together too and not just because they were soulmates, he really wanted them to be together already. “Me too… Soon, though.”

“Not very soon, years from now.”

Frank didn’t have an argument there; however many years wouldn’t be “soon” by any means, no. It would seem short in retrospect but it would feel like a lifetime to them while they waited. They had no choice though. It wasn’t as if Frank could just walk to Gerard, who lived 98 miles away. He didn’t have the option to say anything else though because then there was a knock on the door. The screen was facing away from the door but he minimized the Skype tab anyway just to be safe “yeah?”

Christie walked in and sat down on the foot of his bed “who are you talking to?” she asked.

“Ray. He dropped his phone in the pool so we’re talking over Skype.” Ray was one of the people who he knew from school, he wouldn’t call them friends per say but they knew each other well enough for it to be a believable lie.

“Tell him I say hi. What I came to say though is that we’re going to have cake in about ten minutes.”

“Okay, thanks, mom. Will do.”

She smiled and ruffled his hair before walking back outside, thankfully closing the door behind her. Frank reopened the tab and watched Gerard try not to laugh. “What?”

“You’re cute, she fucked up your hair.”

He sighed exasperatedly and tried his best to fix it “it’s not my fault.”

“Whatever. I wish we could tell people.”

“Me too,” Frank replied but he knew it wasn’t a good idea. People didn't usually treat people with soulmates very well because they didn’t have to look for their partner like most people did, but that wasn’t exactly true. Most people didn’t have to deal with knowing they won’t love someone until they’re able to move, Frank and Gerard were lucky they lived so close. Some soulmates live on opposite sides of the world and may even speak different languages. “People will find out but I’d like to avoid that for a while. Plus, I don’t know if I’m ready for my family to know I’m…”

“Gay?”

“Precisely. Religious, you know? Catholic too. They’re okay with it in theory but I don’t know if they’ll be too overjoyed that their son is…” He was actually afraid saying it out loud, just in case someone might hear. Nobody could hear sound at this volume from his room unless they had their ear right against the door but still, Frank wasn’t risking it.

“Gay.” Gerard finished for him “accept it, embrace it.”

“I’ve accepted it, Gee. I’m just yet to embrace it.”

“You’ll get there. Give it some time.”

Frank smiled, Gerard was more amazing than he could say. Having an older friend (soon to be boyfriend if he was lucky) had some advantages including that Gerard knew a lot about growing up seeing as he’d lived it. “Thanks, I know. I just don’t want them to hate me.”

“They’re not going to hate you, the worst thing that could happen is they’re a little upset for a while but they’ll get over it. That’s what my dad was like.”

“Alright. I should go. Thank you, though, seriously.”

Gerard smiled and waved “no problem. See you around.” He hung up before Frank could say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave some kudos and comments if you want!
> 
> I made a playlist for this fic on 8tracks and I'd LOVE it if you checked it out!   
> Playlist: http://8tracks.com/becca-ms/faded-ink-official-playlist


	4. Chapter 4

Gerard closed the Skype tab and looked his room for something to do. The white door stood out against his off-black walls (the effect of letting a pissed off fourteen-year-old pick their wall color) oddly and drew attention to it. It was this door that Mikey knocked on but didn’t enter, he’d only done that once.

“Yeah,” he said in acknowledgment which was enough for Mikey to walk in. He was twelve now and starting to really grow up, Gerard didn’t know how he felt about that. “What do you need?”

Mikey sat down beside him on the bed “who were you talking to?”

“Just a friend, it’s nothing.”

Mikey looked a little concerned which wasn’t surprising, he was still young enough to be concerned about the whole ‘stranger danger’ thing. “Does dad know?”

“ _ Paul  _ doesn’t need to know shit. Since when do you call Paul dad?”

Mikey shrugged “no one else calls their parents by their first names, it just sounds weird.”

Gerard didn’t reply, he’d never see Paul as his dad, he didn’t have a dad; but Mikey wanted to feel normal and he wouldn't take that away from him. The difference between him and Mikey was that Mikey had been too young when their mother had been arrested, but Gerard remembered. Life wasn’t perfect back then but they were a family. Their mother had never acted the way she had when he visited that time but he tried not to think about that, withdrawal could do bad things to a person.

“Who is this friend?” Mikey asked after a silent minute.

“Oh, he’s…” Gerard searched for an excuse but he came up empty. He could trust Mikey, if for no other reason because he was twelve and people probably wouldn’t believe him. “Have you ever heard of soulmates?”

“Like…” Mikey said, thinking through his words “like from old stories?”

“Yeah, kind of, but real,” Gerard replied uncomfortably. “This guy, he’s my soulmate.”

“Really? Can I meet him? Do you guys really write to each other?”

Gerard laughed “maybe later, and yeah. We write a lot.”

“What is his name?”

Gerard smiled as he uttered the word, “Frank.” He didn’t say Frank’s name out loud very often, who would he say it to?

“And you guys are gonna get married and stuff?”

Gerard laughed and Mikey’s innocence, it wasn’t that easy “I guess so, eventually.”

“That sounds nice, knowing who you’re going to marry and being able to talk to them.”

Gerard nodded, he decided not to mention all the stuff that made having a soulmate kind of suck. Mikey was happy and was looking at Gerard’s hand at some of the messages from that day, he didn’t have the heart to bring that stuff up. “You can’t tell anyone, though, okay?” He said simply.

“Why not?” Mikey asked, looking up at his brother.

“Because it’s a secret; our secret.”

“And Frank’s.”

Gerard laughed softly “and Frank’s.”

 

~

 

Gerard lay awake that night, trying not to think. The white noise of the air conditioning humming was almost enough to drown out his mind but not quite. Days were easy; the day was loud, busy, and bright. He could ignore the dark thoughts during the day. It was night when all his repressed thoughts came up to haunt him. 

_ You’re not good enough. Not good enough for Mikey, for Frank, not good enough to live, _ Good enough at what? It didn’t matter.  _ They’re all better off without you. All you do it hurt them. _ Gerard stared up at the ceiling, the room would theoretically be illuminated by the moonlight shining through the open window except for he’d fucking painted all the walls black so everything seemed darker than it was.  _ Stupid _ .  _ So many bad decisions, that’s all those sixteen years amounted to in the end. I should just die,  _ he thought _ , I deserve it. I could do it right now, I could make everything stop.  _ His pulse was racing at the thought. Did he really want to die?

“Gee!” Someone whispered and at first he thought it was just his imagination but then it came again. He sat up and looked over at the window, the billowing curtains blocked his view so he got up and leaned over his desk to see outside.

Outside was a dark-haired, pale girl. She was too far away for Gerard to see her face well but he knew exactly who she was. “What the hell are you doing here, Lindsey?”

Lindsey lived down the street and was the closest thing Gerard had to a best friend. They had dated for a while before Gerard finally accepted that he was gay, they didn’t talk about that much. They had known each other ever since she moved into the neighborhood in fourth grade, also when she ran away from home and tried to live on his couch (it was an eventful first impression.)

“I’m bored and can’t sleep, let me up?”

Gerard sighed and kneeled on his desk so he could pull her up when she climbed onto the roof to get into his second-story bedroom. They had perfected this art over the years.

“How’s your night going?” She asked once she was safely sitting on his desk.

_ Very depressing, thanks for asking.  _ “Not great. I can’t sleep either."

“What’s wrong, Gee Bear?”

He took a seat back on the edge of the bed, facing her “just having a bad night.”

“You stay safe, you hear me?”

He offered her a smile but he wasn’t sure how genuine it was “calm down, Lyn, I’ll be okay.”

She knew him too well though “nothing you want to talk about?”

He hesitated “what do I bring to the world?”

She closed the window behind her and looked at him “a lot. You’re a great brother and friend, you’re also an amazing artist.” She looked through the sketchbook next to her on the desk then held up a page with a simply shaded scorpion drawn on it “see? Really good.”

He shrugged and leaned back against the wall “it’s alright. I’ve seen way better.”

“Don't start that!” She said loud enough he was worried she’d wake Mikey “if you only compare your art to others you’ll never get better. Your art is amazing because it’s  _ yours _ .”

He smiled slightly and this time it felt real, she always made him feel better. “Yeah… Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. It was more than that, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, but, that was the main stuff. Just feeling worthless and whatnot.” He pulled his legs up to his chest, talking about his feelings was never one of his favorite activities.

She moved to sit beside him on the bed “you’re worth a lot more than you think.”

“To you, maybe.”

“And to Mikey and to your dad. You mean a lot to Bob and me too.”

He nodded even though he didn’t really believe her, there was no point in arguing. “Want to go somewhere?”

“Always. Where to?”

 

~

 

There was an old playground three blocks away from their houses where they hung out on nights like this. It was cliche but it worked for them. Gerard always climbed on top of the monkey bars which were across from the swings that Lindsey always sat on. They found this place two or three years back and it had been  _ their _ spot ever since. They had their first kiss here, a kiss that Gerard pretended to enjoy while in all honesty, he found it a little boring, probably because he didn’t feel anything for her romantically.

“That one looks like a stingray,” Lindsey said, pointing up at the stars.

Gerard looked up “where?”

“Those four bright ones make a diamond then that other one under them make a tail. See? Stingray.”

“It’s a rhombus, not a diamond,” Gerard mumbled, smiling faintly

“A what?”

“It’s like a diamond, but like, not… I don’t know, something like that. Either way, not a stingray. It looks like an arrowhead to me.”

“Fuck that, that’s a stingray.” She said defiantly.

“What about that one?” he asked, pointing to a different star cluster.

She paused a second then laughed “that’s a skinny rat.”

“What? No, bitch, that’s a pot.”

“You’re  _ on _ pot.”

He scoffed and paused a second to find a good comeback, of course, he found none. “Your brain’s a pot.” A bad comeback is better than no comeback, maybe.

“You know what’s weird?” she asked, looking up but not at any certain stars.

“No. What? You?”

“Aren’t you a comedian?” she said dryly “why do people care so much about eyebrows?”

“Frank has nice eyebrows.” He mumbled without thinking.

“Who’s Frank?”

So much for keeping Frank a secret. Mikey knew and now Lindsey, not long before Bob found out and then just Paul was left out-of-the-loop. “I’ll tell you another time.”

“Who is Frank and why won’t you let me meet him and his eyebrows?” She demanded but she was smiling.

“I promise, next time you come over you can meet him. I’ll Skype him.”

That seemed to settle her and he relaxed. There was nothing wrong with Frank, not at all, but he just wasn’t ready. People might not understand or they could just… He didn’t know, he just wasn’t ready.

 

~

 

Gerard opened his eyes when the sunlight hit his face. He walked back home at around three and the sunlight meant it was almost eight now, he still hadn’t slept though. His movements felt heavy and all he wanted was to stay in bed all day, alas that was not an option. Paul was not getting back from a trip until next week so Gerard was in charge of driving Mikey everywhere. They were going out to breakfast and then Gerard was dropping Mikey off at someone’s house to work on a project at ten. Besides driving Mikey around, Gerard had no plans for the day which made him feel a little useless again, but he pushed those thoughts aside and got up. 

Mikey’s light was on but he hadn’t gotten up yet so Gerard knocked on his door. He didn’t need to say anything for Mikey to answer the door. Mikey stood in the doorway, looking expectantly at Gerard for an answer as to why he had to get up now.

“Hungry?” Gerard asked.

“I guess. You need a shower.”

Mikey looked like he was going to fall back asleep any minute if Gerard didn’t give him something to do to wake him up “that’s what I’m doing now that you’re up. Get ready to go to…” he trailed off, unable to remember the name of Mikey’s classmate. He never claimed to be the best brother but he did try.

“Max. His name is Max.” Mikey closed the door on Gerard and honestly who could blame him. Gerard blamed it on being tired and a little depressed and not just that he was a bad person, then walked into the bathroom. The harsh bathroom light glinted off of the blades on his razor but he ignored it as he focused on setting the water to a warm temperature. While the water heated up, he pulled off his sleeping clothes, trying not to look at himself in the mirror. He didn’t  _ hate  _ his body but he didn’t like the way he looked by any means and wasn’t too thrilled by seeing himself naked in the mirror. 

_ Too pale, not thin enough, ugly scars _ , his brain told him but, again, he ignored it. Last night’s eyeliner stung his eyes as it started to run but he’d gotten used to that after years or showering with makeup. He rubbed his eyes with his palms and frowned at the dark smudges on his skin. “Those better come off soon,” he mumbled and ran his hands under the water, no use. It was no real issue for him, only a minor inconvenience that would bother him throughout the day.

On a normal day, this might not have bothered him at all but he was having a bad day, and it was only morning. He rubbed shampoo over his hands and then through his hair, tilting his head back to keep it out of his already stinging eyes. The lavender (the manliest scent, he would tell you) shampoo was calming and helped soothed his mind a little. He allowed himself to get lost in the simplicity of that moment - the smell of the shampoo, the warm water on his back, the steam rising around him - it was tranquil like that. He wasn’t worried about anything for just a few seconds and that was an amazing feeling; until Mikey knocked loudly on the door.

“Hurry up! You’ll take all the hot water!”

Gerard sighed and ran his hands through his hair once more to wash the shampoo out then got out without conditioning; he’d regret that later but Mikey had ruined his moment and now all he wanted was to get dressed and get out. He shut off the water and wrapped a mint green and white striped towel around his waist. “I’ll be out in a second,” he said just loud enough for Mikey to hear then grabbed his clothes off the floor and opened the door. 

Mikey was sitting outside, doing something on his phone, and looked up at Gerard when the door opened “finally,” he said and took Gerard’s place in the bathroom. Gerard didn’t complain about Mikey’s attitude, after all, he was a tired pre-teen, what could be expected?

The window was still open when he got back into his room - fucking Lindsey - so he closed it quickly and got dressed into his usual skinny jeans, black t-shirt and hoodie, and converse. His hair was messy and wet but there wasn’t much he could do about that so he started working on his makeup. He never put too much effort into it ,mainly because that tainted the ‘fuck the world, I don’t care about anything’ look, which made his life pretty easy. 

Once both of his eyes were rimmed with dark eyeliner he carefully put his sketchpad and pencils into a navy messenger bag that he’d had since before they moved in with Paul and he’d been tempted to buy a new one for years but this had always been his Art Bag. It was paint stained and old but he was attached to it now. He’d used it to carry his things when he went to his first art class and ever since when he took supplies places. He was going to go to the park downtown and draw for a change of scenery while waiting to be done at his friend’s house, that would make his day feel less pointless and therefore cheer him up.

 

~

 

It was a nice enough Saturday and Gerard was happy in the spot he’d found under a tree in the park. Mikey was fed and safely at Max’s house so Gerard had no responsibilities for the next three hours until Mikey needed to be picked up. The drawing he was working on wasn’t exactly how he wanted because he was using oil pencils instead of paints but he was working with what he had. He liked the way the rainbow colors swirled around the distorted face on the paper like emotions. As he shaded a billow of orchid purple over where the subject’s eye should be black words began to show up on his hand.

_ What are you drawing? _

Gerard put his pencil down and got out his sharpie instead to reply.  _ How did you know? _

_ Look at your hand. It’s all rainbow colored. _

He flipped his hand over to the side that had been against the paper and, indeed, it was smeared with a rainbow of oil colors.  _ I’ll email you a picture when it’s done. _

Frank was quiet for another minute and Gerard went back to drawing. He kept his head low to avoid attention from passer-bys , not like anyone would care about him anyway but there were always those few who wanted to go see what the emo boy was drawing. Fortunately for him, the park was pretty empty today and no one cared to stop and say hi. He picked up a new color, this time a light blue, and swirled it in a new path over the canvas. Each color added a new element to the paper and Gerard liked it, even without the paints he wanted to use. He was so focused on each new twist of color that it took him a minute to notice the new words on his hand.  _ What else are you doing today? _

_ Nothing really,  _ he replied,  _ just carting Mikey around.  _ He went back to drawing for a few seconds before remembering the conversation he’d had with Mikey the night before.  _ He wants to meet you. _

_ Mikey? _

_ Yeah. I had to tell him, he heard us talking last night. _

_ That’s fine, he seems nice. _

It was weird that Frank didn’t know Mikey. Usually everyone he knew also knew Mikey seeing as he had to take him everywhere but that wasn’t the case with Frank.

_ He is. He knows about the soulmate thing too but he’s confused about why we’re not together. _

_ How old is he? _

_ 12. _

_ That makes sense then. _

It did make sense. Mikey was still so idealistic and young, he didn’t understand that they  _ couldn’t _ be together yet. The age difference plus the fact that they were soulmates in the first place would make people upset; it was best to just wait for now. Gerard had been daydreaming about taking a trip to visit Frank in New Jersey since they met but it just wasn’t in the cards anytime soon. As soon as he got the money and the opportunity he’d be there though, he knew that much.

 

~

 

Gerard parked the car outside the house. Mikey had gone in himself so Gerard hadn’t needed to talk to anyone before which was nice but now he’d have to unless Mikey came out soon. After a minute, he sighed and got out of the car, leaving the comfort of solitude behind him. The mailbox read Hays so Gerard assumed that was the family’s last name, good information to have. He knocked on the door and silently prayed that Mikey would be the one to open it. Obviously, he was wrong and the door was opened by a middle-aged woman with graying red hair.

“You must be Gerard, Mikey said so much about you.” she said in an almost flustered way as she moved aside to let him inside.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hays,” he said politely, trying not to look nervous.

“Please, it’s just Hester,” she said as she knocked on one of the doors adjoining the living room.  _ Interesting name _ , Gerard thought to himself.

The door opened and Gerard could see the classic, young male bedroom over Hester’s shoulder. Posters of various superheroes hung on the blue walls and various clutter was scattered around the floor, Mikey was sitting on the bed, which was covered by a camouflage duvet. A taller boy, Gerard assumed that this was Max, leaned against the door in typical ‘what do you want, mom?’ fashion.

“How is the project going?” Hester asked and Mikey looked up.

“Great!” Mikey said then turned to Gerard “we’re making a potato battery.”

Gerard smiled, he remembered trying to do the same project with Lindsey and Bob years ago but they gave up and paid another kid to do it instead. Funny, they had thought they were so rebellious and cool at that age, that age had been fun. “Does it work?” he asked.

“Not yet,” replied Max “but we’re going to finish it Monday morning, it’ll be fine.”

“As long as you’re both sure you’ll have time,” Hester said, “Max, say goodbye to your friend.”

Max waved and disappeared behind his door to let Mikey out. “Thank you for letting him come over,” Max said flatly as if he’d rehearsed it, which earned him a quick glare from his mother before she turned back to Gerard and Mikey with a smile.

“It’s no problem to have you. Nice to meet both of you.”

They both said their versions of ‘you too’ and ‘thanks’ before Gerard walked back outside with Mikey. “Did you have fun?” He asked as he got into his car.

“Yeah, he’s cool. What did you do?”

Gerard shrugged and made sure Mikey’s seat belt was done up and the passenger airbag was turned off before he started driving back towards their side of town “went to the park to draw.”

“Did you talk to Frank?”

Gerard smiled and glanced down at his hands and at the words sprawled across his skin “yeah, He says he’s excited to meet you tonight.”

“When are we doing that?”

Gerard paused to think, he didn’t know when Frank was free but he rarely had plans so any time would most likely work. 

“After dinner.” He settled, that was flexible enough that he could work with Frank’s schedule.

“Okay, I’m excited.”

Gerard smiled and nodded. He was happy that Mikey was so accepting of Frank and also excited to meet him, maybe they could eventually tell people but what was the rush? They had the rest of their lives to be together. Gerard felt weird thinking about the rest of his life - that one day he’d get married and grow old with Frank somewhere, that was a weird thought. Would he still struggle to keep from walking into traffic some days? God, he hoped not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this is so late a lot of people probably think that I wasn't going to update at all but I swear I'm trying. This year school has been insane and I'm really struggling to keep up with everything. Last year I had some classes where I didn't have to pay attention and could write during them but I can't do that anymore so I have to fit writing in around homework, studying, and sports. I hope that you guys still want to keep up with this story. I got a new phone with more space so I am able to write during lunch now and car rides when I'm not driving, this means I can write more so MORE UPDATES. I still love this story and have the full intention of finishing it.
> 
> Check out the official 8tracks playlist here: http://8tracks.com/becca-ms/faded-ink-official-playlist or if you're not in the US, send me an ask on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/that-fangirl-becca
> 
> Thank you guys for the constant support and for putting up with my schedule!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey, dreams, and church.

Frank was mainly just messing around on his computer by going through his bookmarked websites and checking his email over and over again when the blue Skype icon showed up in the corner of his screen. To no surprise, it was Gerard's username next to the icon, g_way. He quickly checked that his door was closed and then accepted the virtual call. The video buffered for a moment and then Gerard showed up on the screen, he was smiling. Seeing Gerard smile over Skype always gave Frank a good feeling because Gerard hadn't cracked a single smile during their first Skype call, which had also been the second time Gerard hurt himself since they met.   
  
"Hey," Frank said and smiled back at the older boy.   
  
"Hey," he hesitated for just a second "do you remember how Mikey wanted to meet you?"   
  
"Yeah, it was only a few hours ago anyway."   
  
Gerard nodded and then glanced over at somewhere off-screen before back at his camera "is now a good time?"   
  
Frank nodded "sure,"   
  
Gerard moved the computer back some to make room on the screen then moved over. A younger boy who bore a striking resemblance to Gerard just slightly thinner and with lighter hair, but he couldn't be sure of the second part because he had never seen Gerard's natural hair. Mikey smiled and waved in a nervous way, biting his lip, and Frank offered him a smile. Gerard picked up on the awkwardness of the situation and introduced the two of them officially. Mikey still didn't speak so Frank decided to say something if for no other reason just to break the suffocating silence. "Hi, Mikey. Gerard has told me a lot about you."   
  
"Yeah?" He said quietly but then seemed to gain a little confidence "like what?"   
  
"He said that you were pretty cool, and you play bass?"   
  
Mikey smiled and nodded. Frank might not have been great with people but what he did know was that if a conversation is failing, all you have to do is bring up the other person's interests, everyone likes talking about themselves.   
  
"I'm not very good but I'm way better than when I started."   
  
"That's awesome," Frank said honestly "I play guitar."   
  
"Really?" Mikey asked, looking to Gerard "have you heard him?"   
  
Gerard looked at Frank instead and smiled: "yeah, he's amazing."   
  
Frank shook his head humbly. In all honesty, he knew he was good. He didn't deny it because he truly thought he sucked, it was just because he didn't see why people felt the need to praise everything so much.   
  
"Can I hear him play sometime?" Mikey asked, wide-eyed.   
  
Frank answered for Gerard, who the question was directed to "not today, my family is downstairs and trying to have a conversation. Another time, though, I promise."   
  
Gerard smiled and mouthed 'thank you' silently behind Mikey. Frank laughed softly, he could really see the family resemblance between them and not just their looks. They had the same look of integument where their eyes got wide and they pouted their lips slightly, Frank had to admit he thought it looked better on Gerard though in his opinion. 

“How is your weekend going?” Gerard asked, leaning back against his black wall.

“Alright, shi-” he cut himself off, seeing as Mikey was only twelve he should probably try and keep the cursing to a minimum “lot of homework.”

“Where do you live?” Mikey asked.

“Jersey.”

Mikey looked at Gerard excitedly “that’s not too far! New Jersey is only a state over!”

Gerard smiled at him sadly and shook his head “no, he lives all the way across Jersey and we live all the way across New York, it’s too far to just go.”

Mikey looked down embarrassedly and nodded “thank makes sense, sorry. If you’re soulmates why can’t you be together?”

“It just…” Gerard started “it doesn’t work like that.”

Frank watched Gerard through the screen “we’ll be together soon, just not…”

Gerard looked up and smiled slightly “not yet,” he finished.   
  


~

 

Frank went to bed late that night because he stayed up talking to Gerard. It was almost three when he finally shut his computer down and tried to sleep. He was distracted though and was far more interested with the intricate designs being drawn onto his skin by Gerard one hundred miles away. The lines and swirls reminded Frank of when a bunch of the girls in his class all got matching henna tattoos. He was astounded by how much time and effort Gerard was putting into something that would only be washed away with tomorrow morning’s shower but maybe that was the point. Frank wanted to say something to Gerard about it and tell him how amazing it looked but he didn’t want to write on his skin and get in Gerard’s way. He just watched in silence as the lines slowly moved up his arm. Each line was slow, dark, and deliberate; as if the whole thing was pre-planned in Gerard’s mind.

After a while of watching the lines spiral over his skin, Frank’s eyes started to grow heavy. He closed them just to rest for a minute and managed to blink them open a few times to check on the artwork slowly moving up his arm but quickly fell fast asleep.

 

~

 

_ The scene formed slowly. Usually, in dreams, you were just dropped into the world and somehow understood everything but not this one. The first thing Frank noticed was the smell; it was coffee and sugar and something else, lavender, he thought. All he saw was black but then he could feel the world around him, he was sitting in a decently comfortable metal chair, leaning forward with his arms on a cold surface, possibly a table or counter. Then his eyes opened and he looked around him. He was in a coffee shop that he didn’t recognize, it was almost empty too and outside was dark. The bell on the door rang to signal that someone had walked in and the college-aged girl behind the counter lifted her head from her hand. Frank turned towards the door and saw someone walk in. Their hood covered their face but once inside and out of the cold, they pushed their hood back and unzipped their coat. In front of him was Gerard but he made no acknowledgement of Frank’s existence at all. Gerard crossed to the counter and ordered an espresso then sat down in the chair across the table from Frank, he still didn’t seem to notice him. _

_ The barista brought his coffee over and then pulled up a chair despite not being able to see him either. He did appreciate that she didn’t sit on him, though. _

_ “Why are you up so late?” She asked. _

_ He seemed surprised that she spoke to him and sat, stunned, for a second. “Oh, I… I needed to think.” _

_ “About what?” _

_ He shrugged and sipped his coffee, his hair falling into his eyes as he tilted his head down. _

_ “Anything you want to get off your chest? I’m a good listener.” _

_ He seemed to consider the offer then nodded “do you know what soulmates are?” _

_ Frank was as surprised as she was.  _ He  _ of all things was the reason Gerard was up all night and venting to strangers? He felt guilty about that, he didn’t want to cause Gerard any pain, ever. _

_ “Like in stories?” _

_ He nodded “just like that. They’re real, and I have one.” _

_ “Really?” She didn’t sound like she didn’t believe him, she was just intrigued “I thought people stopped having soulmates in, like, the eighteen hundreds.” _

_ “They’re not very common, but yeah, his name is Frank.” _

_ Hearing Gerard say his name to someone else felt strange, so did listening in on this conversation but he didn’t know what would happen if he left. He didn’t know where he was or if any of this was even real. _

_ “That’s…” She breathed “you’re so lucky. I wish I had that.” _

_ He shook his head and when he looked down it almost looked like he was going to cry, Frank knew that expression too well. “No you don’t,” his voice sounded weak and Frank would give anything to hug him in that moment “I can’t see him. He lives a long way away and, honestly, I don’t know if I can wait that long.” _

_ Now Frank thought  _ he  _ was going to cry. His throat felt tight and it was like being kicked in the stomach. Gerard didn’t want to wait for him? That happened sometimes, soulmates just gave up on each other, he never imagined that that could happen to them, though. _

_ She put her hand on Gerard’s and looked at him sadly “I’m so sorry. You guys’ll get together, though, I’m sure you’ll make it work. He’s the one, right?” _

_ “Yeah but… I don’t think  _ I’ll  _ last that long. I feel like I’m wearing away or something. Like when rocks get eroded by waves until there’s nothing left.” _

_ Frank blinked his eyes fast to hold back tears and wanted to scream that he was there, that he was there for Gerard but he just couldn’t. It was like someone had taken his voice, his will over his own body, and now he was just watching the world around him with no control. _

_ “What’s your name?” the barista asked. _

_ “Gerard.” _

_ “Well,” she said in a soothing tone that reminded Frank of the one his school counselor used “Gerard, you’ve got a very good reason to stay alive, right?” He looked up, expecting her to continue. She did. “Frank. Have you ever seen him in person?” _

_ Gerard shook his head “only over Skype.” _

_ “So let’s say, theoretically, that do die tonight. You’ll never get to see Frank or hug him or fall asleep with him. You’ll never know what he smells like or what his heartbeat feels like, right?” _

_ Gerard nodded hesitantly “but…” _

_ “But what?” _

_ “I don’t know… It’s just… Hard…” _

_ She nodded in agreement “but worth it.” _

_ Frank saw Gerard’s lips twitch into what was almost a smile and he nodded. _

_ “Need a hug?” _

_ He shook his head “I’m okay. Thank you.” _

_ “Anytime. Get back to bed, okay?” _

_ “Yeah, yeah, I will. Thank you.” He looked back at his coffee and for the first time Frank noticed the lines running over his hands, lines that matched the ones on Frank’s skin, the ones Gerard had drawn as Frank fell asleep. The girl got up and walked back to the counter, her dark brown skin glowing under the harsh fluorescent lights. Gerard looked up “wait, what’s your name?” _

_ She turned back to him, her dark eyes shimmering “Calypso.” _

 

~

 

A siren blared somewhere close by and Frank groaned audibly. From the amount of light coming through his curtains, Frank could tell it was about five in the morning, maybe a little earlier. He groaned, he didn’t want to be awake this early. What had that dream been? It had felt so  _ real _ and he really wanted to talk to Gerad and just make sure it wasn’t real but he was probably sleeping, or at least Frank hoped he was.

He closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep but the light from his digital clock on the dresser reading 4:43 was too bright suddenly and although that siren had faded from earshot, somewhere around there was a dog barking. He hoped Gerard was getting a better sleep than he was, the older boy needed it. The last few nights Gerard hadn’t been sleeping well and it was starting to show in the way he behaved. He looked at the lines on his arms for any sort of messages they might contain but, alas, they were just that: lines, beautiful lines but lines, nevertheless.

He couldn't leave the room for risk of waking his mother and then get in trouble for not sleeping but there was nothing to do in his room. He laid on his bed and looked up at the ceiling, hoping an idea would come to him. The only thing he could think to do was to study for upcoming tests but he really didn't want to do that. He wanted to play guitar but it would make noise. He didn't know how softly he could play his old acoustic but he didn't want to risk it. As he laid looking up at the off-white ceiling the memories from his dream came back to him. It couldn't have been real, that stuff didn't happen in real life, right? Psychics and stuff, those were all just shams and this was just a weirdly realistic dream, it had to have been. He couldn't shake the feeling, though, that he needed to talk to Gerard and make sure he was okay. If, hypothetically, that dream had been real then Gerard really needed to hear from him, but there was no way it was real. 

Frank's fingers itched to pick up a pen and he felt anxiety settling over him. He knew this feeling too well and knew it wouldn't go away until he heard from Gerard and made sure he was okay. It started as a heavy feeling in his chest and his throat got tight. His mind started flicking toward worst-case scenarios and he couldn't stop it. He knew logically that Gerard was probably safe and asleep in his bed but logic never really fixed these things. He picked up a pen from his nightstand in the dark and found a bare spot on his arm, just above where the black lines cut off, and wrote three words: I love you.

He wasn't sure if he meant them romantically, but he knew that they were true. Gerard meant so much to Frank and not just because he was his soulmate, also because he was a wonderful, talented person with so much potential, he just couldn't see any of those things. Frank truly hoped that one day he'd be able to make Gerard see himself in a better way because he knew what hating yourself felt like and Gerard did not deserve to be put through that. He deserved to have the world, as cliche as that sounded. Too many bad people had nice things and it was unfair that good people like Gerard had so little. Frank didn't have much to give Gerard but he hoped that what he did have to offer would be enough. He wasn't all that good-looking or smart or rich, none of the things people looked for in a guy, and Gerard deserved that, but if he was meant to be with Frank there wasn't much that could be done. Frank considered himself very lucky to have someone like Gerard in his life; he was attractive, smart, funny, talented, and one of the nicest people Frank had ever met.

Frank got lost in thinking about Gerard for what certainly wasn't the first time in his life - thinking about how he'd look in real life and what his hair would feel like, all the small things that made a person who they were. He was interrupted though at 6:00 by his alarm clock beeping loudly to his left. He turned it off blindly and sighed, he had to actually get up and be a semi-productive member of society today. It wasn’t a particularly busy day but he still wasn’t very happy about it. He had church in three hours and then some family friend was hosting a barbecue - but at least he was bringing Ray so that would be bearable - and then he had to do all the homework he’d procrastinated before - not his brightest decision.

 

~

 

The early morning is one of those magical times where time doesn’t exist - the same kind of feeling you get in an abandoned building at night - and Frank found himself simply lying and thinking about nothing in particular. It was a bad habit of his and he’d probably get a lot more done if he just got his ass out of bed, but that didn’t ever seem to happen. It was a good half-hour before his mother knocked on his door. “Frankie?” she asked like she did every morning, “are you awake?”

“Yeah,” he replied from his bed “just getting dressed.”

“Okay, we’re leaving in an hour so be ready.”

Shit, they were leaving early for some reason, he  _ did _ actually need to move now. He swung his legs over the edge of his bed and opened his dresser drawer with one foot, then sat up and pulled the old t-shirt he’d worn to sleep off and replaced it with a clean button-up. He had to search for a moment for a pair of un-wrinkled slacks but he threw those on too. His hair would never look acceptable with his current cut but he did his best to brush it and make it look less greasy and unkempt than usual so his mother wouldn’t throw a fit. He walked into the bathroom to make sure he looked as close to respectable as he could and decided this was as good as it was getting. There was no leftover eyeliner smeared across his face and his hair brushed away from his eyes, his clothes were ironed and looked better in society’s eyes than his usual ripped skinny jeans and band t-shirts - God would be proud of this effort.

He walked downstairs and reached for the coffee pot on the counter but his mom shot him a glare so he dropped his hand back to his hip. “I’m fifteen, mom. Can’t I-”

She cut him off “coffee is for adults, Frank.”

He let the topic before but poured himself a mug nevertheless as soon as she walked outside to get the paper. It was only 7:00 AM, he didn’t know why they were leaving so soon but he doubted it would make his day too much better so he tried to ignore whatever annoyingly pointless early-morning task was ahead of him and instead focus on his coffee. He was able to finish the coffee then rinse his mug out before his mom got back - she was probably distracted by talking to the neighbors or something else along those lines - for which he was thankful, at least he wasn’t getting yelled at for taking coffee after being told not to.

He looked down as she bustled about the small kitchen, making breakfast and salad for the party later, and saw that the lines from last night still covered both of his hands, shit. How would he explain that if anyone asked? Just trying to give himself a case of ink poisoning? Practicing for his future career as a tattoo artist? The designs were far too detailed and intricate for anything he could pass off as his, hopefully he could keep his hands in his pockets for most of the day and if anyone saw, they wouldn’t ask.

 

~

 

By eight, Frank had been fed and was bringing bags of food out to the car. The Catholic Community of the Holy Spirit - a name that Frank had always thought was too cliche - was about a five-minute drive so they would be there just under an hour early, joy. He got into the car and checked his phone one last time before getting out of range of the house’s wifi connection. One missed call from an unknown number, probably some telemarketer, and two new email. Both emails were from Ray who emailed him instead of texting because data rates were tight for both of them.

Ray Toro was like an older brother to Frank. He was three years older but also Frank’s best and pretty much his only friend. He lived in the same neighborhood which meant he had the same economic situation. He lived with his aunt and uncle but had never told Frank why, Frank never asked.

The church’s dirt parking lot only had two cars in it when they pulled in and Frank wished he could be anywhere else but his mom was getting out of the car so he had to follow. Inside the building was just as empty as the outside; the only person was Father Stevens by the altar lighting candles.

“Good morning, Father,” Christie said and he turned, Frank looked down and stayed silent.

“Christie, wonderful to see you. Do you and Frank mind bringing a few of those boxes into the back?”

The Catholic Community of the Holy Spirit was one of the poorer churches in the area, which represented its neighborhood and parish well, ran almost entirely on volunteers and donations. Apparently, Frank’s mother had taken it upon herself to help move boxes before church started.

“Of course. Frank?” He looked up in reply “go get a box.”

He remained silent and went over to the pile of beaten-up boxes that were blocking the aisle between pews. The one he picked up was heavy and felt breakable so he carried it carefully into one of the back rooms they used for storage and set it down in one of the few clutter-free spaces on the floor. He looked back into the nave of the church and sighed, his mother and Father Stevens had started a conversation which meant he was moving all of the boxes himself; joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologize for how long this is taking but I also recognize that I've said it a million times. Thank you all for the support. Lately, I haven't been feeling writing like I did before, partially because I have a slightly different group of friends now. I'd really love some nice comments if you have them. Once again, I'm sorry this took so long. Thank you all so much for reading and sticking around!

**Author's Note:**

> This is chapter one of my newest fic and I hope you liked it. I won't have a set schedule like in my other works but I will try and update as often as I can so subscribe if you want to get email notifications. I really appreciate comments so I can get feedback on this work so send me some if you have anything to say. You can leave kudos if you like it, it would make my day. You can also check out my other works too if you like this one.
> 
> I got this au idea from this post http://youkaiyume.tumblr.com/post/140733958673/gaynamcarey-princess-tuna-let-gavin-free
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: www.tumblr.com/blog/that-fangirl-becca


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